Loneliness is not the same as fear of being alone.
Everyone has times when they are alone for all kinds of reasons, or even because they have chosen to be on their own. Being alone can be positive, pleasurable, and revitalizing when you have control of your choices. But the word loneliness suggests you don’t want to be alone. (Solitude is the condition of being alone, so loneliness implies not having made a conscious choice to be alone. Loneliness is, in fact, unwilling solitude.)
A lonely person feels empty and isolated. Loneliness is more than just wanting company or to be with another person. It is a feeling of being cut off, or of being completely disconnected or alienated from other men and women. A lonely person may feel it is difficult or even impossible to have any human contact that is meaningful and may feel “empty” or “hollow” inside.
Being alone and lonely, or even knowing you have a fear of being alone, can make someone insecure, depressed and anxious. A person who has a fear of being alone may be needy around other people and behave as if it’s essential to be around people all the time. If you are so frightened of being alone that you feel you must have people around you every minute of the day, then your fear of being alone is controlling you.
What you may mean by “being alone” will not be the same as what someone else means by it. For example, are there any social elements to the fear? Do you have a social phobia? Do you believe being with someone will protect you from something? (something behind the loneliness, I mean.) Or is your fear of being alone related to one particular person rather than a fear of having no-one at all around you?
Research suggests that a lot of men and women get into a relationship, and then stay in it, because they have a profound fear of being alone. But a relationship based on fear is likely to be unhappy and unfulfilling.
A major step is to learn how to enjoy your own company, so you don’t constantly find yourself getting into relationships based on fear. And it’s also important to overcome fear of being alone because it can stop you from being the best person you can be, and it can prevent you from enjoying deep intimacy with others as well.
Intense fear of being alone is called Autophobia, Isolaphobia, or even Monophobia. It’s a fear which can impact massively on a person’s quality of life, inducing panic attacks, isolation, shortness of breath, irregular heartbeat and breathing, sweating, nausea, and feelings of dread or terror.
Worse still, the fear of being alone can produce phobias and depression, induce suicide, self-harm, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, and even acute or chronic illness. (Loneliness in the extreme form can be a serious condition, which is associated with higher levels of cancer, stroke and cardiovascular disease. For one thing, men and women who are socially isolated sleep badly and so do not recover from stress as quickly.)